Jokes to share:
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his trousers. The Bartender says, “Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?” The man replies “I don’t know, but it’s driving me nuts”.
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Bud. He says “Give me a beer before problems start!” The bartender doesn’t understand but gives the man a beer. After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying “Give me a beer before problems start!” The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer. This goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man “What do you mean with before problems start? And when are you going to pay for all the beers you drunk.” The man answers “You see, now the problems start!”
ATTORNEY: On July 25th you went by the duck enclosure on your farm.
ATTORNEY: So you passed within a few yards of the enclosure
ATTORNEY: Did you notice anything special?
ATTORNEY: Could you tell us what you saw?
WITNESS: I saw George.
ATTORNEY: You saw George, the accused in this case?
ATTORNEY: Can you tell us what George was doing?
ATTORNEY: So, please tell us.
WITNESS: He had his thing in one of the ducks.
ATTORNEY: His ‘thing’?
WITNESS: You know… his dic… I mean his penis.
ATTORNEY: You passed near to the duck enclosure, the light was good, you were sober, you have good eyesight, and you clearly saw what you just described?
ATTORNEY: Did you say something to him?
WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: What did you say to him?
WITNESS: I said “Morning George.”
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, “I sure wish I could do that!”
The other one looks at him and says, “Well, I think I’d pet him first”.
Actual Call Center Calls
Customer: “I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through; can you help?”
Operator: “Where did you get that number, sir?”
Customer: “It’s on the door of your business.”
Operator: “Sir, those are the hours that we’re open.”
Caller: “Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?”
Operator: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.”
Caller: “On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?”
Operator: “I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.”
Caller: “I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please”
Operator: “I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?”
Caller: “Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.”
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: “Woven? Are you sure?”
Caller: “Yes. That’s what it says on the label — Woven in Scotland ”
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: “I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.”
Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Tech Support: “OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Tech Support: “OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
Tech Support: “OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow! How can you see my screen from there?”